


When You Shoot, I Think I'd Duck

by lexterminate



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, I'm so sorry, M/M, angst angst angst, canonverse, referenced memori and bellarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 06:03:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10713678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexterminate/pseuds/lexterminate
Summary: The first time Bellamy and Murphy meet after the 4.01 scene and maybe the last time.





	When You Shoot, I Think I'd Duck

Murphy took off again, just when Bellamy had started to think that maybe he was one of them again and maybe he could be trusted; Murphy left him. He had given Murphy his gun, wanted his help, needed him, but Murphy only ever looked out for himself. He’d always been like that and Bellamy should have expected it. He should have known better, but he thought maybe Murphy had changed. Knowing he hadn’t only made Bellamy’s heart ache more. 

Now, Murphy was standing in front of him again for the first time and Bellamy couldn’t help but ask him, “Where’s my gun, Murphy?”

Murphy didn’t know why he came to the bunker. He knew objectively the only way to survive was if he and Emori stayed, but he didn’t trust his people and he never had. Every time he thought that maybe he could, they gave him another reason not to. At this point, a death he chose seemed like the better option. Bellamy’s voice startled him from his thoughts. 

“Huh?… oh, I ran out of bullets. I left it in the cave,” he admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. He put his hands deep in his pockets and looked around the spacious bunker. It certainly looked nice and safe, but he just wasn’t sure it would be. He looked over at Bellamy who was staring at him. “What, Bellamy? It’s just a gun.” 

“Why’d you leave?… We could’ve used you there,” Bellamy wanted to know. 

“Don’t lie,” Murphy scoffed.“You didn’t even notice I was gone.”

“That’s not true!“ Bellamy noticed; of course he did, but what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t go after Murphy and drag him back; Azgeda wanted them dead. “I did… I needed you.” 

Murphy looked Bellamy up and down. “Sure looks like you got out alive.” 

“I trusted you,” Bellamy said, his voice softer than he expected. 

That tugged at all of Murphy’s heartstrings. Despite everything, he could never deny Bellamy. They had been at each other’s throats literally, but he didn’t really want him to die. Maybe he did, but not anymore. He was still Bellamy’s number two. His soldier and recruit. Part of him always would be. 

“I know, Bellamy” he told the older man, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry… I couldn’t stay.” 

It was quiet for a minute. Murphy wasn’t asking for forgiveness; he was apologizing because Bellamy needed to hear it. Finally, Bellamy just asked, “Why not?” 

“Because I’ve always been expendable,” Murphy explained. It was simple really; the skai people had fucked him over too many times to count.“and I’m not ready to die for them.” 

“You’re not expendable,” Bellamy replied immediately, but it sounded like a hollow lie even to his own ears. 

Murphy gave Bellamy a dead stare. “I was when you tried to hang me. I was when Raven tried to sell me out to the grounders in place of Finn. I was when Clarke tried to fry my girlfriend to save everyone,” he said with no emotion in his voice. 

Nothing Murphy had said was wrong and Bellamy had no counter-argument. “Murph..." He tried lamely. 

“I’ve never been safe here,” Murphy stated plainly. It was a fact. 

“You’re safe with me now,” Bellamy swore. “Here.” He gestured to the bunker around them. He thought Murphy was going to stay in the bunker with them because it was his best chance to survive, but now he wasn’t so sure and it surprised him how badly that scared him. 

“Bell…” Murphy started to say. He had to explain. 

“Stay, Murphy,” Bellamy pleaded with him, taking a step towards the younger boy, reaching for him. 

He didn’t back away. He stood his ground. “I don’t need you,” he told Bellamy. 

“The radiation will kill you,” Bellamy said, dropping his hand. He wasn’t wrong; this was also a fact. 

“I’ll survive, I’ll figure it out,” Murphy shrugged. He knew his chances were slim, but he also knew if he stayed here with Emori, there was always a chance that his people would turn on them. They were both outcasts and always had been. 

“Please,” Bellamy begged. 

“Why do you even care if the radiation kills me?” Murphy asked. Bellamy had never cared about his life before now. 

The question nearly floored Bellamy. When did he start caring so much? Him and Murphy had always circled each other, prowling like wolves on the hunt. They had both nearly killed each other. They had both saved each other. What Bellamy wanted now, he didn’t really know, but he didn’t want Murphy to die. He needed him. 

“You don’t deserve to die, you’ve survived too much. We all have,” Bellamy explained, but it wasn’t the whole story. He hoped that it was enough. 

Murphy shot him down immediately. Maybe he trusted Bellamy, but not Clarke, not Abby, not Roan. “I can’t.” 

“You can. I’m asking you to stay…” Bellamy steps closer to Murphy again, getting right up in front of him. Murphy can feel his breath against his face.

Murphy sighed. He still didn’t back away from Bellamy at all, just met his gaze and replied, “It's not just me, you know. It's Emori too. She doesn't trust Clarke or Skai Kru. You can't protect us.” He crossed his arms across his chest, frowning. “I’m sorry, Bellamy. I'm going."

He tries to back up, but Bellamy grabs him by the shoulder. 

Bellamy shook his head, his voice was barely above a whisper. “Murph, no.” 

Murphy dropped his gaze. He couldn’t look at Bellamy anymore. 

"At least if I choose to leave, you don't have to blame yourself,” Murphy told him, trying to shake off the older man’s hand, but Bellamy gripped him tighter.

"But I will... cause I couldn't stop you,” he admitted. With his free hand, he tilts Murphy’s chin up, the burning ocean eyes blinking up at dark brown ones, tears caught in the lashes. 

"I gotta go, Bell. You have to let me go,” He swallows the lump in his throat. 

“I don’t want to…” Bellamy said before his mouth caught Murphy’s in a hard kiss, lips rough as they fought to take anything Murphy offered. The younger boy’s lips chapped, but soft, tasted of his uncried tears and he pushed back against Bellamy, grabbing him by the neck and scraping teeth against lips before he finally pulled back, breathing hard. 

"You know I have a girlfriend right?" Murphy pointed out, still catching his breath, taking his hands off Bellamy. 

Bellamy shrugged, a small chuckle escaping. ”You know I'm basically dating Clarke.”

"That's really gross.” Murphy never was very nice. He didn’t know when to bite his tongue. Oddly, Bellamy was used to it and let it go. 

He shook his head and cupped Murphy’s face in his hand, brushing their lips against each other one last time. He spoke in a quiet breath just for Murphy. 

“I wish it could be you... us. If things were different,” Bellamy admitted. They've always been a mess, brutal and violent and ripping at each others throats, but it’s also been heat in the pits of their stomach and hands groping and urgent need. 

Murphy pulled away from him and Bellamy finally let him. ”Me too, but I gotta go. I don’t belong here.”

"Don't leave me. I need you,” Bellamy was insistent, hoping against hope that he might change Murphy’s mind. 

“Damn it…” Murphy cursed. He’s was about to walk away, but he stopped himself. The conversation wasn’t finished yet, “stop making this so hard. It’s not easy for me either, you know.”

“I can’t let you die, not when you could be here and be safe,” Bellamy was out of options. He knew that he couldn’t keep Murphy in the Bunker against his will, not if he wanted Murphy to trust him. 

“It’s not you’re choice, Bell,” Murphy said. “I can’t stay for you. It’s never gonna be us.”

Bellamy’s heart broke. It was something he always knew, but somehow hearing it outloud made it tangible, made it real. It would never be them. 

"I know, but... I don't want to want to live in a world without you in it,” Bellamy tried one last time, put his heart on the line to save Murphy. “You're not gonna survive out there."

Murphy shook his head sadly. He found Bellamy's hand and squeezed it. "I won't survive here either,” he was honest. “If I have to die, let me choose what hurts less... being far away from this, from people who betray me." 

"I can save you.” It was an automatic response. Anything to get Murphy not to leave the bunker, not to go to his almost certain death.

"What happens when you can’t?” Murphy asked. “When you're left standing and I'm dead... how are you gonna feel then?” He took a breath and gave Bellamy instructions, “Go to Clarke, love her. I have Emori. Neither of us will be alone and we'll always have this."

Murphy pressed his mouth against Bellamy’s, closed his eyes and breathed in his scent. He hoped that it wouldn’t be the last time. When he pulled away, it was slow like he didn’t want it to end. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye. 

Bellamy unstrapped his gun and thrust it into Murphy’s hands. "Take my gun at least,” he said and Murphy gave him half a smile. 

"Thanks, Bell,” he said turning around to go find Emori. They’d be gone soon and Bellamy had to live with it. 

“May we meet again.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is sad, but I hope you enjoyed. Let me know: Comments, Questions, Concerns, Cookies, Kudos... whatever the hell you want! 
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr and twitter: murphysurvived
> 
> Love you, babes.


End file.
